Planet Express Ship: Let us become one!
Bender: I prefer two. That way we can still be a horse for Halloween.

Episode 4.3 - Love and Rocket

Bender: Isn’t it true that you have been paid for your testimony?
Pramala: Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy.
Bender: And yet you haven’t said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you?

Episode 3.3 - A Tale of Two Santas

Project Satan: I love killing people! Squishing them till their organs squirt out like chunky mustard.
Bender: Look, everyone loves killing people, but I don’t wanna hurt my friends.

Episode 2.18 - The Honking.

Robot Stack: We’re putting you in the Witness Relocation Program.
Bender: I gotta hide forever?
Robot Stack: No, until the Robot Mafia finds and kills you. They’re very good with that.

Episode 6.14 - The Silence of the Clamps

Fry: If it makes you feel any better, his body was vaporised so there’s no chance of him coming back as a zombie.
Mildred: [crying] I’m not worried about that.
Fry: Then you’re a braver woman than I.

Episode 3.19 - Roswell that Ends Well

Fry: Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin.
Zoidberg: You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites?
Edna: Why, yes. Thanks for noticing.

Episode 2.5 - Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?

A variation of this

Sad days for Futurama fans ;___;

Bender: Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? Hmm. I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I—
[Cut to Courtroom. Bender stands flanked by robot hookers. The judge bangs his gavel.]
Judge: $500 and time served.
Bender: Stupid anti-pimping laws!

Episode 2.7 - Put Your Head on My Shoulder

Leela: I don’t have words to say how wonderful you are, Fry. I haven’t felt this happy since double-soup Tuesday at the orphanarium.

Episode 3.2 - Parasites Lost

Fry: So I really am important? How I feel when I’m drunk is correct?
Ken: Yes. Except the Dave Matthews Band doesn’t rock.

Episode 4.10 - The Why of Fry